Testimony 2007

Since it is the Christmas month, where the birth of Christ is celebrated, I thought it would be appropriate to take a break from talking about programming to post my testimony as a Christian. This is a testimony that I gave in church at what feels like a few months ago, although it may actually have been a year ago. It was written to be about five minutes long. Re-reading it, I realize I used a fair amount of Christian lingo, so it might not mean the same thing if you don't know much about Christianity.

Oh yeah, in case you didn't know (or guess by now), I'm a Christian. Denominationally... I'd say I'm non-denominational, but if you need to be told a denomination, I guess you could call me methodist. I basically believe in having a close, personal relationship with the loving God/Jesus/Holy Spirit through prayer, fellowship with other Christians, and studying the bible. I don't believe I have any business judging other people or forcing my beliefs on others. However, I won't hide what I believe either and I hope my beliefs show in my everday life because they are the most important part of who I am. So read it or ignore it, this is my one of many accounts about why I belive in God. It's not meant to convert anyone or anything like that, just to let you know a little bit more about who I am. So here goes:

My parents are both Christian and they brought me up as a Christian. We had bible studies every night, where my dad read to us from some family devotions book, swapping our names in for the characters in the life application stories. I prayed before going to bed every night and before every meal. My parents brought my sisters and I to church every Sunday, where I would attend the Sunday School I enjoyed so much, especially in fourth grade. That class was focused on filling out worksheets, which was actually a lot of fun to me. You see, we'd always show up late, and I enjoyed being the first done with the most correct answers despite always coming in late.

When I was seven years old, I prayed the important prayer of asking Jesus to come into my life. Probably a few months after that, I was baptised at the beach. Things are good when you give your life up to Jesus.

But are they really? Honestly, my life has been really blessed. Did God really have anything to do with it or was that just the way it was? Things go well and I feel at peace when I pray, but is it because God is answering my prayer or is it due to self reflection? To feed those doubts was the fact that so many of the arguments against Christianity, like evolutionary debates and religious social studies, resonate quite well with me. Furthermore, I had the feeling that being a Christian and the existence of a god is stifling and inconvenient. I thought life would certainly be more efficient and fun without God. For example, praying takes up time. Figuring out and acting on what I believe to be "God's will" seemed really limiting.

With that mentality, I decided that it not only made sense not to believe in God, but it was a good decision for my life. So no more praying, no more paying attention in church (of course I'd still have to go with my parents), no more trying to figure out God's will. But... that didn't go as well as I hoped.

Without my relationship with God, something was just missing. I knew it wasn't something as simple as "I feel purposeless" or the "feeling of loss." At church recently, we talked about the fingerprints of God... touches God leaves that shows He's there, even if you can't see Him. The touch of God was missing from my life that I didn't want Him to lead. For me, the most explainable missing fingerprint was a sense of knowing my place in everything, the sense of somewhat understanding everything around me.

Soon after, I prayed to God and He spoke to me. I was inspired to pursue a deeper relationship with God. To start off, I just prayed a lot more. I studied the bible closer and would have long discussions about it with other Christians. That led me to worship more geniunely and involve myself more in God's work. I didn't feel like I was making myself do something I didn't want as I tried to followed God's will more while developing a relationship with Him. God has blessed my life greatly, with my friends, and with my wife Carrie, and with my family, and with work. There's nothing so far in my, albeit short so far, life that I really regret and a great part of that is because I truly believe God has been guiding me and I've been listening. Things don't always work out in the short term, but I've almost never minded thanks to God, and something better has always come around so far.

My story isn't very dramatic. I've spent almost all my life as a Christian pursuing a relationship with God. Having a relationship with God gives me an almost perpetual sense of fulfillment, joy, and peace in my life. Of course, even though I believe a relationship with God makes it easier, I know I could get all of that without Him. But there's still that unexplainable touch of God that only comes from a relationship with Him. And that really means everything to me... I think it might have to be experienced to really understand.

And of course, I still have doubts, although it hasn't escalated to the situation I described earlier again. But it really very much is a cycle to me. Doubt, study, and prayer continually bring me in a closer relationship with God. The thing that helps me most though doubt is that I know God exists, since I have a relationship with Him, and I've seen Him transform lives.